I mentioned on one of my episodes of RJ’s World Lens that I am often considered an ambivert…also sometimes referred to as a centrovert or social introvert. I think that I have changed from being strictly introverted over the past few years…or maybe 10 or so years. I lost count. Anyhoo, when I speak to introverts, I strongly relate, even if I am not as introverted as I used to be…I see a lot of myself, in past circumstances, depending on who I am speaking with or hanging out with. I was at an outing with some wonderful folks and I noticed someone who was having a really hard time of engaging with the group, and I could tell, because I used to be that person…a younger man, in my early 20s, wanting to engage others, speak out, watch what others were doing and wondering why it was easy for them to get involved, yet I struggled.
Growing up, one thing some people did that heavily irked me (looking back on it) was just how insensitive people were, knowing I was introverted and then putting me on blast or in the spotlight when I didn’t ask (even on my own birthday!) and then they wondered why I associated with them even less. I can tell you right now that is one of the WORST things to do to an introvert (if you have introvert friends, some will definitely thank you if you are reading this and decide not to figuratively put a fire underneath them). So, I reached out to the person who was having a hard time, but NOT for everyone to see, but I reached out privately. Naturally, I have no intention of mentioning who the person was, but it is important for people to know the power they have to be a positive influence, with something as simple as an email or a DM (DMs, or direct messages, are great and not just for sending unsolicited photos).
I truly hope the young person I spoke with is doing well and they did end up coming to a couple of additional events, even making some awesome cards for hospitalized kids! What moved me, besides the cards, is that I remember what it was like when I was figuring myself out and learning how I can leverage both my introvert qualities and extrovert qualities in ways that allowed me to grow into more of the kind of person I wanted to be. It isn’t like I go full-on extrovert at any given time when I feel like it, but I found a balance that works for me and my social battery and because of that, I am much better equipped to be my best self in more extroverted situations and introverted situations. I would like for the person I spoke with to continue to go out into the world and know that they are seen — I see you, but others see you as well.
Introversion Isn’t About Wanting To Be Alone All The Time…
I think one of the hardest things about introverts is that people have to make a bit of a more conscious effort to understand them, in order to more effectively communicate with them. This isn’t to say that extroverts are easily understood, but because they are more outgoing, usually in “all the ways”, not just vocally (so body language, etc.), you can know more what you are gonna get with an extrovert, over an introvert where you may have to do more to get to know them enough for them to feel comfortable. Everyone deals with problems, introvert, extrovert, doesn’t matter, but what does matter is how we make people feel and everyone wants to be seen (in some capacity). Now, “being seen”, doesn’t mean just putting someone under the spotlight or magnifying glass, like some people might be thinking. “Reading the room” is a skill that everyone should take the time to learn, because it helps us see things from beyond our own level of perception.
If you are an extrovert, don’t go out of your way to make an introvert “talk or do stuff”, just to make yourself feel more comfortable, because I’ve known extroverts who have done that because someone is “too quiet”. To introverts, don’t be too hard on yourself and keep doing the things. If someone approaches you, it’s okay to say that you are trying to do more group activities and the like but aren’t quite used to things. Those who are meant to understand, WILL UNDERSTAND, regardless of whether they are an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert. I think one thing I had to learn is that, in putting myself out there, when I had social anxiety, is that if someone DID notice me…I immediately had to try to go with anything that came my way, because engaging was hard to begin with. You will get more chances, and you will be able to meet great people and do great things, expand your comfort zone, etc. — so you can think of the things you like and aim to connect with people who you are comfortable with on your own terms.
Extroverts are fantastic at being inclusive and making people feel included — that is something that I have discovered over the years as I explored my more extroverted qualities! Like all things, there’s balance, so I know not to be overly pushy. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you have various different skills at your disposal that you can use to connect and make a difference! While asking questions and the like are great in-person, emails or DMs (like I used in the image above) are ways to break the ice in a way that can give introverts more time to think about the response, especially in a low/no pressure environment. With today’s story, I am hoping that no matter where you are socially, that you know that you matter and can make a positive impact! Unity and connection are things that enrich our lives and benefit all of us and help us grow and learn. This post touches on the comfort zone a bit, so check out my podcast episode that also touches on the comfort zone (and other things) below!